Alone…

I was about to be independent and start a new life on my own. Really ALONE.
It really sounded exciting and scary. I first needed to find housing. How was I gonna afford housing in the big Melbourne city? The thought of it made me anxious…

My caseworker at the Red Cross mentioned she was going to apply for the Status Resolution Support Services (SRSS) for me. This support given through the Migration Support Program was going to allow me to receive 89% of Centrelink Newstart while I am looking for a job.

Unfortunately as I write this, this support is being cut & taken away from the most vulnerable people who haven’t been able to find a job, those accessing trauma and counseling… These are difficult times. Especially when you can easily become homeless, not be able to find food, a roof over your head and not have anyone to help you.

Another thing is not having anyone to talk to. Solitude. There are two phases of solitude. The first one is enjoyable and offers an opportunity to think, reflect, meditate and is self-inflicted. This moment is peaceful and has a positive outcome.

On the other hand, you wouldn’t want to learn about the forced solitude: It is a state of mind where you feel like falling in a deep silence, a sort of remote inhabited world where there is nothing and then worse thoughts start appearing. You stay awake and you have insane conversations with yourself.

You see it happening to you, you feel lonely, sad because you can’t see anyone who would be available and willing to listen to you. It’s a vicious spiral circle. That is the most dangerous time ever because some of the thoughts switch from positive to negative at a very high speed.

You suddenly realise then how big the world is and how small, insignificant you are towards infinity. You notice more sounds. It seems suddenly as if birds are singing more or cars noises become more distinctive and you almost feel like the grass is breathing like you. It’s a creepy type feeling.

I kept coming to the main issue: I needed accommodation. Solitude wasn’t definitely gonna get me any place to live…